I can't draw anymore. Seriously! Not even from a bloody reference photo. I have completely lost all competency in design and illustration. Soon it will be one year since I've posted drawings to this site with any regularity. I've watched all of you, some of whom I considered in the beginning to be slightly less competent than myself, go on to do amazing fucking things. Your improvement and your initiative have been an inspiration, and I am pleased for each and every one of you--but me, I hit a wall. At some point I stopped improving, then maybe even forgetting, and now, I actually cannot draw anything. Not even stupid anime fan art. And the worst part is: I've started to accept that. Do I replace this hobby, which occupied most of my life and my entire college education, with something better? Of course fucking not. I play video games, submitting myself to a future even more talentless and uninteresting than the one I was looking forward to before.

What was it that killed me? Did the university environment do it? Was it those early drawing and writing classes, which loosened my mind and my wrists and allowed me to eventually reach this point where I can no longer focus them? Was it medication? Dietary changes? Have I developed a brain tumor or something? Was this all just a transient twelve year phase that I've simply grown out of? All I know now is that that part of me which I had invested everything in is completely comatose.

FUCK. I can't accept this. And I don't mean that in a defiant "I won't be defeated" way; I mean that I will never get over this.

Goddamnit.